Depleted Mother Syndrome
What It Is and 5 Steps to Reclaim Your Energy.
Have you ever woken up after a full night’s sleep and still felt like you could collapse from exhaustion? Or looked at your reflection in the mirror and barely recognised the woman staring back at you because she looks utterly drained?
If you’re nodding along, chances are you’re dealing with something called Depleted Mother Syndrome (DMS).
Now, I didn’t find this term in a medical journal, but it’s as real as the pile of laundry staring at you from across the room. DMS is what happens when mums give so much of themselves to everyone else - partners, kids, work, family, even the dog - that there’s nothing left in the tank for themselves. It's when mental, emotional, and physical exhaustion merge into one big fog, and you feel like you’re constantly running on fumes.
But I promise you that this IS NOT your permanent state. It may feel like your new normal, but it doesn’t have to be. Let’s break down what Depleted Mother Syndrome really is and how you can start reclaiming your energy, one small step at a time.
What Causes Depleted Mother Syndrome?
It’s easy to think that physical exhaustion is the culprit, but DMS is about so much more than lack of sleep. It’s the result of carrying an invisible load - mentally tracking every appointment, every birthday, every “Mum, where’s my...?”, and every emotional need in your household.
It’s the constant giving. The never-ending cycle of being everything to everyone while quietly pushing your own needs to the bottom of the list. And because society tends to glorify the “self-sacrificing mum” (ugh), we rarely question this depletion. Instead we just accept it as a normal part of motherhood.
Sound familiar? I’ve been there too.
The Signs You’re Dealing with Depleted Mother Syndrome
Emotional Burnout – You cry over things that wouldn’t normally bother you, or you feel completely numb.
Chronic Fatigue – You’re beyond tired, even after a good night’s sleep.
Irritability – The smallest things (a spilled drink, another tantrum) make you snap.
Brain Fog – You forget simple things, like where you put your keys or what day it is.
Loss of Joy – The things that used to light you up now feel like a chore.
If you’ve been ticking those boxes in your mind as you read, I see you. But I also want to tell you that you can feel like yourself again.
Let’s walk through five steps to reclaim your energy and start shaking off that depleted feeling.
1..Give Yourself Permission to Rest
Let me be really blunt: rest is a non-negotiable. You’re not a machine and you weren’t put on this earth to run on coffee and willpower alone.
Rest doesn’t mean dropping everything for a week-long retreat (though if you can swing that, do it!). It can be as simple as sitting in the sun with a cup of tea, locking the bathroom door for a 10-minute soak, or taking a power nap while the kids watch a movie.
A big game-changing move that helped me, was simply to stop waiting for permission to rest - permission from my partner, my to-do list, or anyone else. I gave it to myself. And I realised that when I rest, everyone benefits, because a well-rested mum is a happier, more present mum.
Action step: Schedule 15 minutes of intentional rest into your day. Put it in your calendar like a meeting and treat it as sacred.
TIP: If you are at a loss for how you should spend this time, my Happiness Hacks for Mothers book was made for that exact reason.
2. Learn to Say ‘No’ Without Guilt
Every time you say yes to something you don’t have the capacity for, you’re saying no to yourself.
I used to be the queen of yes - yes to volunteering, yes to hosting, yes to everything. But eventually I realised that my ‘yeses’ were draining me, and the person paying the price was me.
Learning to say no was uncomfortable at first, but it was also liberating as hell. Now I ask myself, “Do I really want to do this?”. If the answer is no, I politely decline, without offering a 10-point explanation.
Action step: Practice saying no to one thing this week that doesn’t serve you. Start small if you need to, but start.
3. Nourish Yourself - Inside and Out
When you’re depleted it’s easy to reach for quick-fix foods - carbs, sugar, caffeine - because your body is craving energy. But these are like throwing kindling on a fire; they burn fast and leave you more exhausted than before.
I’m not suggesting you overhaul your diet overnight, but try adding more whole, nutrient-rich foods to your day. Think leafy greens, colourful veggies, healthy fats, and plenty of water.
And don’t forget to nourish yourself emotionally too. Read a book that inspires you. Listen to music that lifts your spirit. Journal your thoughts and let them flow.
Action step: Add one nourishing meal or snack to your day and spend 5 minutes doing something that feeds your soul.
4. Move Your Body, Even If It’s Just A Little
When you’re exhausted exercise is the last thing you feel like doing. But movement can be one of the fastest ways to shift your energy.
You don’t need to smash out intense workouts or boot camps (unless that’s your thing). It can be a 10-minute walk, some light stretching, or dancing like a maniac in your living room. Movement releases endorphins, clears your mind, and gets your blood flowing. It’s an instant mood booster!
Action step: Commit to 10 minutes of movement each day. No rules, no pressure, just move in a way that feels good.
5. Connect With Yourself Again
Motherhood has a sneaky way of making us forget who we are outside of being “Mum”. But you are still in there - the woman with dreams, passions, and a personality all her own.
Take time to reconnect with her. Journal about what makes you happy. Meditate, reflect, or simply sit in silence and breathe.
Action step: Write down 3 things that make you feel alive and commit to doing one of them this week.
TIP: There are three FREE, quick meditations you can listen to here. The first is for when you’re feeling self-critical or need a reminder of your value. The second is for when you feel frustrated, stuck, or in a rut. And the third is for when you’re drowning in overwhelm and need a moment of grace. Listen to them all here.
Final Thoughts: You Deserve To Feel Energised And Alive
Mama you deserve to feel good. Not in some distant future when the kids are grown, or life slows down, but now.
Depleted Mother Syndrome isn’t a permanent state, it’s a signal that you need to start prioritising yourself. And when you do you’ll find that little by little your energy returns, your clarity sharpens, and your joy bubbles back to the surface.
Take small, intentional steps and know that it’s okay to ask for help along the way. Because the best version of you isn’t the one running on empty, it’s the one who knows her worth and makes sure she’s nourished in every way.
With love and understanding, Tess Xx