BLOG: The Mental Weight Of Motherhood
Why You Feel Stuck and How to Start Unloading It.
Do you ever feel like you’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, and yet no one else seems to notice? I remember the days when I would collapse into bed, my mind still racing with unfinished tasks. From school pickups to paying bills, it felt like there was always something I was forgetting — and yet no one around me seemed to see it. You’re not alone. Mothers everywhere are silently battling a phenomenon I call the mental weight — the unseen mental and emotional burdens we carry while juggling the never-ending to-do list of motherhood.
But here’s the thing: just because it’s unseen doesn’t mean it’s not real. In fact, it’s often heavier than anything you can physically hold. And if you’ve been feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or on the verge of burnout, chances are, this mental weight has a lot to do with it.
Let’s unpack what the mental weight really is, why it’s so common among mothers, and most importantly, how you can start lightening it today.
What Is the Mental Weight?
The mental weight isn’t just the tasks you do every day; it’s the mental effort required to manage them. I learned this the hard way when I once found myself in tears after forgetting my son’s favourite toy on a trip. It wasn’t the toy itself, but the constant juggling act of remembering, planning, and doing that broke me. It’s not just taking your kids to their activities; it’s remembering to sign the permission slip, pack the snacks, and check that the uniforms are clean. It’s not just cooking dinner; it’s planning meals, buying groceries, and keeping track of everyone’s food requests.
The mental weight is the mental checklist that runs 24/7 in the background of your mind, even when you’re supposed to be relaxing. It’s the emotional labour of worrying about everyone else’s needs while neglecting your own.
And it’s exhausting.
Why Is It So Common?
For generations women have been socialised to be the caregivers, nurturers, and organisers of their families. Even as more mothers work outside the home, many still feel the pressure to do it all and make it look effortless. Society celebrates the “super mum” who can juggle a career, household, and family without breaking a sweat. But this unrealistic expectation often leaves women feeling inadequate, resentful, and trapped under a mountain of invisible responsibilities.
The Cost of Carrying the Mental Weight
The weight of the mental load can take a serious toll on your mental and physical health. Constantly being in a state of “go, go, go” can lead to chronic stress, anxiety, and even depression. It can also strain your relationships, leaving you feeling isolated and disconnected from the people you’re working so hard to support.
The mental weight makes it nearly impossible to focus on yourself. When you’re busy managing everyone else’s needs, your own dreams, goals, and desires often get pushed to the back burner. Over time this can leave you feeling stuck and unsure of who you are beyond being a mother.
How to Start Unloading the Mental Load
If you’re ready to stop carrying the mental load alone, here are some steps to start lightening the burden:
1. Acknowledge It
The first step to addressing any tricky situation or emotion is recognise it exists. Write down all the tasks, worries, and responsibilities that occupy your mental space. Seeing it on paper can be a powerful way to validate your experience and understand just how much you’re managing.
2. Communicate with Your Partner or Support System
Many partners or family members genuinely don’t realise how much you’re juggling. Share your list with them and have an honest conversation about the mental and emotional labour you’ve been carrying. Be clear about what you need - whether it’s help with specific tasks or simply acknowledgment of your efforts.
3. Set Boundaries
Learning to say no is one of the most empowering things you can do. I’ll never forget the first time I said no to hosting a family event. It felt uncomfortable at first, but the relief I felt afterward - and the chance to spend that day recharging with my kids - was worth every ounce of guilt I had to push through. You don’t have to volunteer for every school event, take on extra projects at work, or host every holiday dinner. Protect your time and energy by setting boundaries that prioritise your well-being.
4. Delegate
You don’t have to do everything yourself. Delegate age-appropriate tasks to your kids, share household responsibilities with your partner, or consider hiring help if it’s within your means. Remember, asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a step toward sustainability.
5. Prioritise Self-Care
Making time to look after yourself isn’t selfish; it’s self-love and it’s essential! Whether it’s a 10-minute meditation, a walk around the block, or an uninterrupted cup of tea, make time for activities that recharge you. When you care for yourself, you’re better equipped to care for others.
6. Simplify Where You Can
Sometimes lightening the mental load means letting go of perfection. Maybe it’s okay if dinner is frozen pizza some nights or if the house isn’t spotless all the time. Focus on what truly matters and let the rest slide.
7. Reconnect with Yourself
Take time to reflect on what brings you joy and fulfilment outside of motherhood. For me, it was writing. Picking up my pen again, even for just 15 minutes a day, helped me reconnect with a version of myself I thought I’d lost. What hobbies, passions, or goals have you put on hold? Start reintroducing those elements into your life, even in small ways.
The Ripple Effect of Lightening Your Load
As you begin to unload the mental load, you’ll likely notice a ripple effect. You’ll feel more present and engaged with your family. Your relationships will improve as you communicate and set boundaries. Most importantly, you’ll start to feel more like yourself again.
Motherhood is a beautiful journey, but it doesn’t have to come at the cost of your well-being. By recognising and addressing the invisible load you’re not just doing yourself a favour, you’re setting an example for your children and creating a healthier, happier home for everyone. I’ve seen this shift in my own family. When I started openly discussing my needs and delegating tasks, my kids began stepping up and my husband gained a deeper appreciation for everything I do.
So take a deep breath, give yourself grace, and start letting go of the things that no longer serve you. You’re not alone in this, and you’re stronger than you know.
The first step to feeling lighter is simply deciding that you deserve to.
So much love, Tess Xx