Dear Mama: 10 Things Every Struggling Mum Needs to Hear Today
Hey Mama,
Let me start by saying this: You’re not alone.
I know what it’s like to feel like you’re holding the entire world together while crumbling inside. I know the sleepless nights spent worrying if you’re doing enough, being enough, or holding it together enough. And I know the guilt that creeps in when you just want five minutes to yourself.
If you’re reading this, you’re probably feeling stretched thin - emotionally, mentally, physically - and I want to remind you that it’s okay to feel this way. No matter how perfect other mums look on Instagram, no one escapes the hard days. And on those hard days, sometimes you need someone to tell you the truth, not sugarcoat it or gloss over it with #mumlife clichés.
So, from one mother to another, here are 10 things every struggling mum needs to hear.
1..You’re Not Failing
It’s easy to feel like you’re not measuring up, whether it’s to other mums, your own expectations, or what society says you “should” be. But listen to me: you’re not failing.
There were days in my life when I was certain I’d failed my kids. My lowest moment? I was a single mum with two boys, no income, and a whole heap of shame for leaving a marriage that wasn’t healthy. I was drowning in guilt and self-doubt, convinced I wasn’t enough.
But what I learnt was that my kids don’t need a “perfect” mum - and neither do yours. They need you. The real you. The one who shows up, loves them fiercely, and keeps going even when it’s hard.
2. It’s Okay To Ask For Help
Why do we as mums believe we have to do it all alone? Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of strength.
When I was struggling the most I was terrified to admit I needed help. I thought people would judge me, think I wasn’t coping, or worse, think I wasn’t a good mum. But when I finally opened up I discovered how much support was waiting for me. Friends, family, and even professional services were there to lift me when I couldn’t do it alone.
And if you feel you need help but don’t want to admit that to the world, check out The Oasis - the shame you feel (that I felt too) is the exact reason I created this self-paced, private space.
3. Self-Care Is A Necessity, Not A Luxury
Let’s ditch the idea that self-care is bubble baths and spa days (although if that’s your jam, go for it). Self-care is anything that fills your cup, even if it’s just drinking a coffee while it’s hot or stepping outside for two minutes of quiet.
For years I ran on empty. I thought taking time for myself was selfish. But you really can’t pour from an empty cup. You’re allowed to prioritise yourself because when you do, you show up better for your kids, your partner, and everyone else.
4. You’re Allowed To Feel What You Feel
Motherhood can be full of conflicting emotions: love and frustration, gratitude and resentment, joy and exhaustion. It’s messy and complicated, and that’s okay.
When my youngest was a baby, I remember holding him at 2 a.m. and feeling completely overwhelmed by love for him and utterly exhausted at the same time. I felt guilty for wishing he’d just go to sleep. But what I’ve learned is that feelings aren’t facts, and they don’t make you a bad mum.
5. Perfection Is A Myth
The perfect mum doesn’t exist. The perfect house, perfect kids, and perfect life you see on social media? It’s a highlight reel.
One day I made a decision to let go of trying to keep everything Pinterest-perfect and leaned into what my kids really needed - me, present and imperfect. That’s when everything changed. Your kids don’t care about spotless floors or homemade birthday cakes. They care about the love and connection you give them.
6. It’s Okay To Let Things Go
Some battles aren’t worth fighting. If the dishes sit in the sink or your kids eat cereal for dinner one night, the world won’t end.
I remember a day when everything was falling apart. My toddler was throwing a tantrum, the house was a mess, and I had zero energy. Instead of forcing myself to tackle it all, I grabbed the kids, snuggled on the couch, and watched a movie. Guess what? The dishes waited, and the world kept spinning.
7. You’re Stronger Than You Think
There were times in my life when I thought I couldn’t keep going. When the weight of everything felt unbearable. But here I am, writing this, living proof that you can get through the hard days.
Every challenge you face is proof of your strength. And while you may not feel strong in the moment, know that you are doing an amazing job and are so much stronger than you realise!
When I was a single mum this affirmation - ‘you don’t know how strong you are, until strong is the only choice you have’ - became my guiding light. I even considered getting this tattoo’d on my body. I haven’t yet, but it’s still a high possibility because it literally helped pull me through so much darkness.
8. Comparison Is The Thief Of Joy
I’ve been guilty of scrolling through social media, comparing myself to the mums who seem to have it all together. It’s toxic, and it’s a lie.
What you see online isn’t the full picture. Behind every “perfect” post is a woman with struggles, just like you. Instead of comparing, focus on your own journey and your own wins, no matter how small.
9. You Deserve Happiness
This one took me years to believe. As mums we often put ourselves last, convinced we don’t deserve happiness until everyone else is taken care of. But that’s not true.
You deserve joy, fulfilment, and a life that lights you up. It starts with small steps. Rediscovering what makes you happy and carving out space for it.
10. You’re Not Alone
If you’re struggling right now, know this: you’re not alone. There are other mums who understand, who see you, and who are cheering you on - even if you can’t see them.
Unearth Her was created for mums like you. To remind you of your strength, to offer you tools and support, and to help you find your way back to yourself.
Final Thoughts
Mama the hard days don’t define you. You are enough - messy, imperfect, and human. And you’re doing a beautiful job.
So take a deep breath. Give yourself grace. And know that there’s a whole community of women rooting for you.
So much love, Tess Xx