BLOG: To The Single Mum Who’s Not Coping
My letter to you - so you can go from overwhelmed to empowered.
To the single mum sitting there, feeling like it’s all too much: I see you. I’ve been there. I know what it feels like to collapse into bed at the end of the day, emotionally drained and questioning if you’re enough. I know the loneliness, the exhaustion, and the guilt.
But I also know this: the very fact that you’re here, reading this, shows that you haven’t given up. And that’s where your power lies.
Let me tell you a bit about my story. Years ago I found myself in a place I didn’t recognise. I was newly single, raising two small boys, and feeling like I had failed them. I felt like I wasn’t coping - and honestly, some days I wasn’t. I was overwhelmed, lonely, and terrified of what the future might hold. But there was one thing that changed everything for me: I decided to stop focusing on how I felt in the moment and started looking at how I wanted my life to look five years from now.
Here’s what helped me turn things around. I hope it helps you too.
1..Imagine Your Future Life
When I was in the thick of it, I felt stuck in survival mode. I couldn’t see beyond the mountain of laundry or the next bill that needed paying. But then I asked myself, What do I want my life to look like in five years? Not just for me, but for my kids too. That question shifted everything.
I pictured a life where I felt proud of myself, where my boys saw a mum who was strong, happy, and creating a life she loved. I imagined stability, joy, and freedom. That vision became my anchor. It didn’t happen overnight, but having that picture in my mind gave me a direction to work toward, one small step at a time.
Take a moment now to close your eyes and picture your life five years from today. What does it look like? How do you feel? What are you doing? Write it down. Let it become your guide.
2. Focus On The Next Step, Not The Whole Mountain
It’s easy to get overwhelmed by everything that needs fixing. The bills, the house, the emotional weight of it all. But you don’t have to climb the whole mountain today. You just need to take the next step.
For me, that next step was the simplest thing: writing down my goals. I started small. One of my first goals was to spend 10 minutes each day doing something just for me. Maybe it was journalling, maybe it was having a quiet cup of tea after the boys were asleep. Those little steps built momentum, and before I knew it I was tackling bigger goals, like finding work that fit around my family and brought me joy.
What’s one small step you can take today? It might be asking for help, making a budget, or even just taking a deep breath and reminding yourself you’re doing the best you can.
3. Don’t Be Afraid To Ask For Help
This one was hard for me. I used to think asking for help was a sign of weakness. But the truth is that asking for help is one of the strongest things you can do. Whether it’s leaning on friends, family, or community resources, you’re not meant to do this alone.
When I finally reached out I found so much support. I realised that people want to help, but they often don’t know how unless you ask. Whether it’s someone watching your kids for an hour so you can have a break or a friend’s hubby who is willing to mow the lawns, don’t be afraid to let people in.
4. Celebrate The Little Wins
In the midst of the chaos it’s easy to overlook all the things you’re doing right. But those small wins matter. Did you get everyone out the door on time this morning? Win. Did you cook dinner instead of ordering takeout? Win. Did you make your kids laugh today? Huge win.
When I started celebrating those little moments, I realised just how much I was actually achieving. It helped me see myself not as someone who was failing, but as someone who was showing up and trying her best every single day.
Take a moment right now to write down three things you’ve done well this week. You might be surprised by how much there is to celebrate.
5. Remember, This Is A Chapter, Not Your Whole Story
If there’s one thing I want you to take from my story, it’s this: where you are right now is not where you’ll always be. The overwhelm, the loneliness, the fear - it’s temporary. It’s a chapter in your life, not the whole book.
Keep your eyes on that five-year vision. Trust that every small step you take is bringing you closer to it. And know that one day you’ll look back on this time and realise just how strong you were.
You Are ENOUGH!
Being a single mum isn’t easy, but you’re doing it. You’re showing up, you’re trying, and you’re loving your kids the best way you know how. That’s enough. More than enough.
So take a deep breath. Take the next step. And remember, you’re not just coping - you’re creating a life for you and your kids that’s going to be more beautiful than you can imagine. I believe in you, just as I believed in myself when I didn’t think I could do it. You’ve got this.
So much love, Tess Xx